Easter

This year Easter was truly a relaxing and enjoyable day. We didn't do the usual large family get-together so that was a bummer, but it was nice to have it be a simple day. My cousins came down from Greeley and my Uncle Reno also joined us. 

I forgot to take a picture, but I made a carrot cake for dessert. It was delicious! I used a whole wheat and white flour mixture which gave the cake a little bit of a different texture, but I think it turned out great over all. 

Easter is about the fact that Christ rose from the dead for us, for me. After all of the pain I've experienced this year I truly felt like I didn't care that He died for my sins. I felt like He'd totally let go of me and that He had no concern what happened in my life, except for the fact if I had sinned or not. He was just tallying up "what a bad girl I am" and I began slipping back into an angry attitude with Him. So on Easter morning I was listening to some songs by Ingrid Michaelson and one of the songs she sings reminded me of my relationship with Christ. I realized that my anger was out of selfishness and self pity and is totally inappropriate because God does care about my life and He does want me to be happy. The last thing He's doing is tallying up how bad or good I've been because He's full of grace and forgiveness. 

I think that I have a difficult time not blaming myself for Ryan breaking up with me. I feel that I am the one who is a failure, not good enough, and did something terribly wrong. In reality I know that he's the one who actually hurt me and that he made a big mistake because I loved him in so many ways that will be hard to find in another woman. 

I want to ask Christ for forgiveness of my blackened heart and for His grace to be extended over me. He renews His promise to me every morning, and for that I am thankful that He has risen!